Bernard's Watch

I wanna stop the world and then stay with you, loving you with too much relief...

On fire

I light a cigarette and in my throat something is waiting for the tobacco fog to come and cover the writhing dragon.
I feel like I am being used up and yet some passions are alive in my mind. My thoughts were never fully se*-oriented but now that I think I see that there are times when I too long for a tight warm body to hold in my arms and squeeze and feel my own body melt and pour down in it, I too sometimes feel this unnamed joyful excitement run through my flesh and veins, I too have all these feelings and yet when I find myself down on earth I realize that I am still unwilling to have natural pieces of feelings then again sorrow comes and again I regret over what is not regrettable.


Life is all contradictions and my life is no exception. If I don't think about them I do not see them quite well but then I will start hating myself for not thinking as much as I should. The feeling circulates and keeps coming back.


I close my mouth,
light another cigarette...

...

I used to cry like crazy when desperate, and I still do and hell it does cause more pain...

NoNe

I'm done now,
and already starting once more...

After all the love making, kissing and cuddling there are times that I still feel lonely, empty and then the flame is there again, playing with my eyes and whatever I see and all the words I ever knew are gone and I am left behind all the minutes I've passed... It's belittling but my spent time seems to play with me and I am desperately left with no way out. I am not moving forward and crying my eyes out does no good.

When you are a kid you're other people's toy, they hold you, take you, kiss you, play with you, and then one day once you're big you just figure out that you're still the same thing... this time not charming, they hold you, take you, kiss you, rape you and then spit you out of their fancy lives' mouth...

Lets begone ...
Am done.